Thursday, March 02, 2006

Great Moments in Interviewing

Zach Randolph recently sat down (or stood up, who knows) to answer some questions from his legion of fans. Following the lead of fellow teammate and wordsmith Travis Outlaw, Zach opened up the preverbal vault that is Z-Bo, proving that he truly is a "Holler' Back Zach." All questions and answers are given in their entirety.

Taylor (Oregon City): Hello Zach, I was just wondering if the knee is still bothering you during the games or if it is getting better?

Zach Randolph: It's improving, but it's not 100-percent. The healing process takes awhile.

Paging Dr. Randolph. Nothing like starting off an interview with the old softball question. The "not 100-percent" heads off the "Why have you been playing like crap lately Zach?" questions. I mean, leave the guy alone, he's hurt! So what about Mac-10 Zach? You guys seem pretty close.

Chris Elizabethtown, Ky: Hey Zach, how is it playing for Nate Mcmillian?

Zach Randolph:
It's OK. He's a very disciplined coach who likes things done the right way. He wants to get the very best out of his players.

Ouch. I think Churchill said the same thing when asked about what he thought of Stalin. Of course, Zach could have been using one of the lesser know abbreviations of "OK", like "Overly Kind" or "Ostensibly Kickass." It's so hard to convey context over the internet. You should notice though, that Zach chose to wear his Nate-banned head band for the interview. A possible "screw you" to the old commandant? The world will never know. How about that Darius? He's probably just "OK" too.

Dan Ridgewood NJ: Hey Zach, How do you think the return of Darius Miles will help the Blazers?

Zach Randolph:
It's gonna help us out alot. He's one of the best players on our team, he's very talented and I think his return will help us alot.

I doubt Zach would say the same thing if Nate was coming off an injury. Oh, and "a lot" is two words. Any thoughts on some of the other guys on the team?

Brandon (Flint): Are You going to watch Sebastian Telfair's documentary "Through The Fire"?

Zach Randolph:
I've already seen it. It's real good.

Just "real good?" Not real great? Someone is getting crossed off the Christmas card list. I bet you thought Darius was great in The Perfect Score and Van Wilder. If I were you Zach, I might suck up a little more to your "point guard of the future." So what about off the court Zach? High tea and museum openings?

Ellis D (Portland, OR): Sup Z-Bo? What do you like to do on your free time in Portland?

Zach Randolph:
Hmm. I play video games. Just kick back and relax.

Way to represent the Portland cultural scene to the fullest. You could of at least said you attend the occasional Cool Nutz or Pink Martini concert every now and then. Maybe a trip to the Washington Park Zoo or Saturday Market perhaps.

paul (Portland): Was it fun being on Cribs? And what do you think they missed in your pad?

Zach Randolph:
It was fun, a great experience. They missed alot of stuff. The didn't get everything in there. It was nice though.

He's right. I know for a fact that Zach has an oversized cotton candy machine made out of platinum, and I didn't see that anywhere in the Cribs piece. It's kind of surprising, seeing as MTV is usually known for their hard-hitting, in-depth reporting. You don't win all those Peabody Awards by following around Nick Lachey.

So there you have it. Another thought provoking sit-down with Portland's favorite power forward. Maybe next time they'll answer my question about how good of a basketball player Zach's daughter McKinley is. From what I've heard, she can really hit the offensive boards, but still has trouble passing out of the double team.


At 3:50 AM, Anonymous DP said...

Damn, muthafucka I got your cookies today.. i'm eating them right now. The cat likes them, too. I also happened to witness Kobe having an off night...31 points is a joke (I know that = bad grammer). I thought it would be a blowout but I sure was wrong. So were you. Just listening to David Bowie right now......that's right!

At 11:44 PM, Blogger chunkstyle23 said...

I got my cookies too. Excellent choice of packaging. Having to explain to my wife that the economy size box of Planned Parenthood condoms really contained some foreign cookies and a mix CD, sent by some dude I know only from the Internet was a nice bonus. Thanks.

At 8:01 AM, Blogger Lance Uppercut said...

I hope it didn't cause too much of a fuss Chunk. Though in your defense, your wife should appreciate your desire to cut down on the number of unwanted pregnancies and sexually transmitted diseases.

At 6:05 PM, Blogger chunkstyle23 said...

You know, I think she does share that desire. It's especially hard to spread diseases and unwanted pregnancies to someone who refuses to have sex with you. We're on the same page.

At 5:11 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

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