Monday, March 06, 2006

The Beatings Will Continue Until Morale Improves.

Posting has been slow lately, as I recently had the last useless vestiges of our Cro-Magnon heritage ripped from my word-hole. While the oral surgery is no handsome cab ride, it's not as bad as everyone says. One thing I will say is that whoever decided to call nitrous oxide "laughing gas" needs to be sued for false advertising. After 45 minutes of deep panic breaths, I felt little more than a haziness similar to getting hit in the head with a whiffle ball bat. Thanks for nothing Joseph Priestley.

Then again, maybe I'm just desensitized to the pain, as this season has been the equivalent of getting all of your teeth pulled out by a urine-soaked meth addict. Sure, getting a win over the Lakers is always good for a few minutes of post-game bliss, but then games against San Antonito and Houston come along, and I go back to feeling numb. But it's not the losing. I've been losing all of my life, and I don't mind it all that much. There was that intramural floor hockey championship in college, and I won't lie; that felt pretty damn good, but losing is a part of life. People who can't take a loss are those a-hole 45 year-old guys playing park and rec. basketball, barking coaching advice at fellow teammates and getting into fist fights over foul calls. So it's not the losing, it's the way that this team loses.

They're tricky bastards, those Blazers are. Sometimes they hustle for loose balls, sometimes they don't. Sometimes they player great defense, sometimes they don't. A lot of the time they'll give a good team all they can handle, and then simply give up for seemingly no reason. Now like I said, I don't mind losing, but stop playing with my heart. If you're going to be a below-average group of underachievers and half-asses, great! In all honesty, I could probably relate better to that kind of team than I could to a group of ferocious competitors who would slit their grandmothers’ throats for a chance at a championship. But for the love of Arvydas, just pick a characteristic and stick with it! This on again/off again effort is really taking its toll on my psyche.

It probably won't get any better tomorrow, as the Blazers take on the Mavericks in Dallas. So I'm pleading with you guys, if you ever loved me at all, just play hard, or don't, but do one or the other. I don't know how much more of this I can take.


At 10:21 AM, Anonymous crunchynoodles said...

my wisdom teeth are due as well. i think you're the first person i've ever heard say it wasn't so bad. i guess i'll see for myself. got your package too. thanks a bunch for the delicious cookies and sweet mixtape. buying prophylactics in bulk, huh? way to go lance.
the game tonight... let's see who brings it.

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