Wednesday, November 30, 2005

Ruben Patterson: Whiny Bitch For Hire

Ah Ruben, your stupidity knows no bounds. After getting sent home after the New York loss, Ruben has decided that he wants to be traded. Actually, Ruben has been saying that he wants to be traded for the last few years, but I guess now he really means it. Patterson has been telling anyone capable of listening to his broken English for longer than 10 consecutive seconds that he's worthy of playing big minutes, and that it's a travesty that someone of his vast skill, intelligence, and character shouldn't have to weather the rebuilding process that Portland finds itself in. So Ruben wants to go somewhere else, which is understandable. I want to see Ruben go as well, but what I understand that Ruben doesn't is that Nash isn't going to trade Ruben on Ruben's terms.


So Ruben wants out, his reasoning being that he deserves big minutes to match his big talent. Take it away Ruben!

"I don't think my role of playing 13 or 15 minutes a game is acceptable. I deserve to play 25-plus minutes, but if they want me to play 12 minutes, then they can just put me on the inactive list. I mean, those are rookie minutes."

Oh Ruben, if you always got what you deserved, you'd be serving time for forcing women to give you blow jobs. I find it hard to believe that by virtue of not being a rookie, Ruben feels that he deserves 25 minutes. Tell that to Rick Brunson. 25 minutes is over half the game for someone with a horrible offensive game, some of the worst handles this side of the lobster boy, an infectiously bad attitude, incredibly low basketball IQ, served with a side of semi-decent defensive skills. And he's only making around 7 million a year? How can I be down like that!

If Ruben had anything floating around in that big, marble shaped head of his, he would know that the best way to get traded is to not act like a bitch, but no one has ever accused Ruben of being smart. The problem is three fold. First, if Ruben makes statements like "I deserve to play 25 minutes a night, no matter how many times I turn the ball over or pinch that cute female ref's ass," it makes him virtually untradable to any team that doesn't have at least 25 minutes a night and a great sexual harrassment lawyer waiting for the sex offender. Secondly, his complaining further pushes any trade value that he might have further down the drain. Finally, Ruben publicly demanding to be traded makes other GM's think that they can force Nash's hand, which just isn't going to happen in these Blazer days of fiscal responsibility. When you diss Nash, you diss yourself Rube. So please, try keeping your mouth shut Ruben, and maybe Nash can convince someone more ignorant than yourself to take you on. If not, I'm sure everyone from Paul Allen on down is more than willing to pay your salary for the next two years while you rot on the bench, wasting your infinite talent.



10 Comments:

At 12:49 PM, Anonymous DDavis said...

In the days of "almost" Blazer Championship basketball Ruben seemed to have his place on the roster. A guy willing to take on tough defensive assignments (even though the results might have varied. Remember Kobe?)and provided a much needed spark plug to an aging veteran team. Now his suspect defense, lack of character, ball-handling 'ills, and ridiculously big mouth to go along with his ridiculously big contract make me feel like his nanny must of.
See ya wouldn't want to be ya.

 
At 1:10 PM, Blogger Lance Uppercut said...

You make a good point D (though I also wouldn't want to be you). When Ruben is around people he feels are better than he, he's willing to be a role player. The difference is that Ruben feels he's the best player on this team now, and should be playing large minutes accordingly. The thing about Ruben is that he could be helpful to a team needing a good on the ball defender, but his insistance on being a fixture on the offense is always going to make him bench fodder. If Rube would promise to only take wide open lay-ins, he'd be valuable. That just isn't the case though. Isn't your birthday coming up soon?

 
At 1:40 PM, Anonymous Craig Ehlo said...

Man, wasn't Rube suppsedly a "veteran leader" on this young team? Now he's just Bonzi Wells part deux. If he wants 25+ minutes, I sggest he goes to play ball in Latvia.

 
At 2:35 PM, Blogger Lance Uppercut said...

I don't know. Those Latvians have some pretty good players. Besides, I don't know if Ruben's parole officer would let him out of the country.

 
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At 8:52 AM, Anonymous Carson said...

I think you are a real Player Hater. Ruben is making so much money you don't even understand the business/Ruben's aspect of the entire situation.

 

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