Saturday, November 05, 2005

No Nuggets, No Peace.

Well, it didn't take too long for the Blazers to have their first blowout loss of the year. I had the over/under at 5, being that in the fifth game the "Red and Black Attack" play everyone's favorite ex-Blazer turned World Champion Rasheed Wallace and the Larry Brown-less Pistons, but then again, I'm a horrible handicapper. Even with K-Mart coming down with what one could only assume is a case of leprosy, the Blazers still got turned out in a 68-107 shellacking at the Pepsi Center, to which I can only say, have a Coke and a smile Nate.
Actually, I could say a few more things. First off: Take it easy on these guys Nate. I realize that Paul Allen sacrificed another jewel-incrusted toilet seat cover to pay for Nate's exodus from Seattle, and that Nate was brought in to be a hardass, but a 3+ hour practice away from home after the first game of the season? How do you fit in chill time with mile-high hookers? Or a drinking tour of the Coors Brewery? A long practice mixed in with that thin, putrid Rocky Mountain air is a recipe for disaster, especially this early in the season.
Secondly, can we get rid of Ruben Patterson already? The Junk Yard Dog (aka the "Kobe Stopper" aka the "Nanny Daddy") is too much of a whiny bitch to last on a team this young. In fact, I want a strict promise from management to never, ever obtain any players that played under Bob Huggins at Cincinnati. Van Exel and Patterson have been more than I can handle. Seriously, consider that, along with Nick "the Lip" and Patterson, Danny Fortson and K-Mart all disgraced the floor during Huggins drink-soaked tenure, and ask yourself, "What do all of these guys have in common?" The answer: They are decent to above average players with one flaw: They're punk-bitches. And, as if you didn't need anymore proof, here's another reason why anything connected with Cincinnati should be avoided at all costs.
But back to Patterson. Not only is he going to make a sour-face every time this team stumbles, but he's going to ruin Martell Webster. Stories of Ruben's insistence on hazing Martell are already coming out, and if I were John Nash, I would sit Ruben down and let him know that Martell is a lot more important to the future of the team than Ruben's career average of 10 points, 4 rebounds. Better yet, I would just ship his ass out for the first expiring contract or actual shooting guard offered (sorry Juan and Charles, but you guys suck). There's got to be some GM out there that wants a high intensity guy who plays out of control, right? Isiah?
Finally, what's up with Telfair? I thought that guy put some work into his game this summer. The guy still can’t' shoot, still can't draw any fouls (which I guess is ok seeing as he can't shoot free throws either), and still can't play a lick of defense. I know that he's still in diapers, but from what I've seen/read/heard from gypsies, Jarret Jack should, can, and will be the Man for this team, at least for another 2 years.


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